Scotty Stays In (In Honour of Words and Obsessions), by Jared Averil Tanna

Transfer deadline day is important to Scotty

He’s a football fan. He loves football. He loves all the players. He loves the money. He loves his tv. He loves his dodgy sky connection (he doesn’t think it’s dodgy)

 

Jim White beams from the box

The girls are looking fit and all

Breaking news! breaking news! breaking news!

 

It’s Dotty’s 8th TDD

she’s well prepared

TDD no. 1 was a bit of a joke

‘It was all tea and no crumpet’ as Scotty would say

 

Iceland did those 40 in a pack things

So Scotty’s got 120 to eat today

A big ask if you ask me (you don’t have to, you can’t anyway, I don’t exist)

Chipsticks and cheese puffs were pre  splayed last night too

Miniature heroes (a tin), plastic unfurled, lid popped open

Clank.

 

Bhajis and chicken pops and wedges and waffles

Bobbling onto a mural of three conjoined legends

Shearer: raised right arm hefty, legs fading into a blank space

Mcmanaman  (Coming from shearer’s hip ) golden locks hiding half a gawping dribbling face

Finally Batty reaching out from behind Macca’s crack

Tracking his man back with the knack of kojak

Less tiki taka

More chicken tikka

 

“I reckon this could go all night”, Scotty’s outstretched neck turns toward the kitchen

“They’ll av anyone them!” shouting aimlessly now

“He ain’t worfit, he ain’t worfit… he aint worfnuffink!” bits of pastry fall from his chin

 

If you asked him, he’d probably say it isn’t

But the look in his eyes tells us it’s better than Christmas

 

 

Jared Averil Tanna, 2013

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