The News: Vote Cage for Xmas No.1 and Blastoise joins Met Police

A Cagey Christmas

The actor, Nicolas Cage, has joined the battle for Christmas No.1 single.

Mr.Cage recorded this unique song (entitled 4’14” after its length)  by re-enacting every single moment from his long and industrious movie career in which he loses his fucking rag.

Water Gun + Hydro Cannon = Water Cannon

In other news, Metropolitan police have frantically been evolving thousands of Squirtle and Wartortle for the past 24 hours as they get closer to finding a solution to recent student protests.

It is believed that ‘Water Cannon’ is the perfect move to quell any future fiery protesting students. Chief Superintendent Nigel Goddard said earlier today, “It will not only be an effective measure of control, it will be super effective.”

 

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